Come Wake Me Up
by Bralt
Summary: She was worried about Halt, fussing over him and his scratches while he watched with some anger. Not once did she look at him or even acknowledge him. She'd already left him in the past and moved on to the future. Crowley thinks about his past with Pauline, based on song Come Wake Me Up by Rascal Flatts


_**Disclaimer: I do not own Ranger's Apprentice or any of its characters, I also do not own the song Come Wake Me Up by Rascal Flatts**_

_**This is a song fic based on the song Come Wake Me Up by Rascal Flatts, you should check it out and its video:)**_

_**I can usually drink you right off of my mind  
But I miss you tonight.  
I can normally push you right out of my heart  
But I'm too tired to fight**_

Crowley looked at the empty bottle in front of him sitting on his desk and closed his eyes. It'd been a while since he'd last done this. He'd begun to come to relative terms that Pauline was with Halt. Though it'd been hard and often he'd found himself thinking about her and their past. When that happened he'd just drown himself in liquor until the thought of her was a distant thought. Now though it wasn't working. Today, he had received news that Halt and Pauline were going to wed. Crowley was happy for his friends of course but the thought that Pauline was to become permanently unattainable was causing him to think of her more and even alcohol couldn't make him forget it. Sleep had been hard to come by this night and it still evaded him now. It was one of those times that one was tired beyond belief but couldn't sleep. Too tired to try and keep the thoughts and memories away, Crowley leaned back in his chair and let them wash over him.

_**Yeah the whole thing begins  
And I let you sink into my veins  
And I feel the pain like it's new  
Everything that we were,  
Everything that you said,  
Everything that I did and that I couldn't do  
Plays through tonight**_

It was as if he'd gone back in time. He felt as if he were reliving the time they'd spent together, he could see it clearly and feel the happiness that had been with him at that time. Now, however, that it was all over pain came with the happiness. It was a pain he had lived with for years but every time it felt as if it were just coming. Just forming and just, for the first time, ripping him apart. Memories flashed across his eyelids. Of times in the forest spent talking, of times spent in each other's company just being happy.

_**Tonight your memory burns like a fire  
With every one it grows higher and higher  
I can't get over it I just can't put out this love  
I just sit in these flames and pray that you'll come back  
Close my eyes tightly.  
Hold on and hope that I'm dreaming  
Come wake me up.**_

The thoughts raced through his mind, causing his drunken body to anger. Her face was in each one, a scene from the forest when she spoke quietly to him. Each and every memory went by and each and every word she spoke made him angrier and angrier. He'd lost all of that and he just wanted it back now. He'd tried to accept it, how her and Halt were happy but he couldn't. Up until this day, when he had received the news, he'd sit through these times with the memories and hope that Pauline would just appear before him. Away from Halt and just here for him.

**Turn the TV up loud just to drown out your voice**  
**But I can't forget**  
**Now I'm all out of ideas**  
**And baby I'm down to my last cigarette**

Crowley opened his eyes, expecting Pauline to be there. She wasn't and he stood angrily. Taking a deep breath, he started pacing around the room, picking up random objects and trying to distract himself. When it was obvious that wasn't working, he went to the tall windows behind his desk and looked over the courtyard.

_He was in that courtyard. So was she. He and Halt rode across the drawbridge into the quad and he tried to hide his grin. The two Rangers dismounted and Crowley waited for her to come to him. His good mood was ruined as she ran to Halt instead._

Crowley spun around and grabbed the bottle off the desk, forgetting it was empty. There was the sound of shattering glass as Crowley threw the bottle across the room and it slammed into the wall. It was hopeless. Alcohol wasn't wiping his memory and his thoughts were stuck on her. The only thing left was to dissolve into his anger and get it all out.

**Yeah you're probably asleep**  
**Deep inside of your dreams while I'm sitting here crying and trying to sleep**  
**Yeah wherever you are baby now I am sure you've moved on**  
**And aren't thinking twice about me and you tonight**

_She was worried about Halt, fussing over him and his scratches while he watched with some anger. Not once did she look at him or even acknowledge him. She'd already left him in the past and moved on to the future._

The chair joined the bottle in shattered pieces on the floor. A hot and angry tear rolled down the commandant's face. He was here, missing her while he knew she was in Redmont living her life with Halt. It was late at night and she was most likely dreaming of something unrelated to him whereas he knew that if he fell asleep he'd be plagued with thoughts and dreams of her. He doubted she'd even thought about them for years whereas he remembered what they'd had every day.

**Tonight your memory burns like a fire**  
**With every one it grows higher and higher**  
**I can't get over it I just can't put out this love**  
**I just sit in these flames and pray that you'll come back**  
**Close my eyes tightly.**  
**Hold on and hope that I'm dreaming**

The memories kept playing out in front of him.

_They were in a clearing in the forest outside Castle Araluen. The sunlight glinted off her blond hair and she was talking about something or other. He didn't know; he was too lost in his thoughts. At that point he thought that it'd never end, that they'd be together forever._

The desk flipped, sending papers flying everywhere and spilling jars of ink across the floor. The water kept coming from his eyes as he sought out something else to destroy. Finding nothing at the moment, he closed his eyes and waited for a memory. Any memory at this moment would be fine with him, as long as he was there with her. She'd never come back but he could still hope that she'd return in his memories.

**I know that you're movin' on**  
**I know I should give you up**  
**But I keep hopin' that you'll trip and fall back in love**  
**Time's not healin' anything**  
**Baby this pain is worse than it ever was**  
**I know that you can't hear me but baby I need you to save me tonight**

_He was at the door leading to Halt's room in the infirmary. The small party had returned from the Kalkara hunt and Crowley felt it time to make sure Halt was all right. Quietly, he opened the door and froze as he heard a soft voice. Peering in, he felt anger in the pit of his stomach. Pauline was at Halt's bedside with worry etched upon her face. She was brushing hair away from his face as they spoke quietly. Crowley slammed the door, not caring if she followed him out. That had been about a year since she'd left him. He wasn't ready to move on._

From that moment on he'd tried to do something to make her look at him differently. No matter what he did though she stayed hooked on Halt. Even now he was hoping she'd come back to him. He felt anger, sadness and even jealousy course through him at that moment. All of it combined made a kind of pain course through him. It was the pain that one can only get from a broken heart. He'd felt it before but now it shot through him like arrows, reaching out to the rest of his body from his chest. Utterly spent, he leaned against a wall and let the tears roll down his face.

**Tonight your memory burns like a fire**  
**With every one it grows higher and higher**  
**I can't get over it I just can't put out this love**  
**I just sit in these flames and pray that you'll come back**  
**Close my eyes tightly.**

Recollections of their past flashed across his consciousness faster than he could count. With each reminiscence he felt his knees grow weaker and weaker until he was sitting on the ground with his back against the wall. His feelings pumped through him, filling him. His eyes closed tightly and he willed her to show up. It was useless he knew but it didn't stop him from trying.

_**Hold on and hope that I'm dreaming  
Come wake me up.  
Oh I'm dreaming.  
Come wake me up.  
Oh, I'm dreaming**_

His eyes opened and as always he found she wasn't there. The room was in ruins and the moonlight made it seem depressing. Crowley stood and looked out the window again, a bottle was resting on the windowsill by his hand and for a brief moment he considered throwing it. Instead he raised it to his lips and took a large swig, trying to forget again. If he couldn't make this out to be a dream then forgetting was the next best thing.

**Please review**


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